My weight issues began around the age of 8 so we are talking 1986. Having battled pneumonia as an infant and hospitalised with croup around the age of 5, out of the blue I developed childhood Asthma. An uncle and aunty took my younger brothers and I on a drive, they noticed I was being very quiet. A sign something was not quite right with me. Loved been out and going on drives was always an adventure, no matter the destination. Upon returning home I struggled to eat my supper and so went to my bedroom which I shared with a younger sibling and before long I was in trouble, I was fighting for breath.
My younger sibling shouted for help, thinking I was having a heart attack, as our father had cardiac issues himself. Dad was about to call for an ambulance, when my uncle and aunty rushed me along with dad up to our local hospital. Scared, not knowing what was going on, thinking I was too young to die, was soon ushered into a cubicle. X-rayed and placed on a nebulizer, I still could not get my breathe. I was admitted for observation and referral to the paediatric team. Treatment involved steroid medication, physiotherapy, repeated peak flows and nebulizers. The hospital diagnosed pneumonia. A day after being discharged a follow up appointment with a locum doctor at our local surgery diagnosed me with Asthma and placed me on long term meds. This was not the only Asthma attack that landed me in hospital and as soon as I began wheezing exercise stopped, so if i was outside and away from home, I would stop catch my breath and return home. At school, I was allowed to sit on the side-lines and join back in when I was able to. Soon I withdrew from playing outside especially if it was cold and damp outside.
By the age of ten I was already overweight for my age, but was still an active child and was not over-eating, this came later. Sweets were a weekly treat, sometimes the sweets were traded out for an ice-cream, fizzy drinks were only allowed on special occasions or if Dad treated us to a visit to our Parish Social Club after church. Trips to the cinema were a real treat and did not happen as often as we'd like. Desserts were also a treat and only came if Mum and Dad fancied them or if the weather was bad and Mum had treated us to a bit of baking in the kitchen. Desserts were also a treat if staying with our Grandparents in Sussex. I ate everything my brothers and parents ate. Then came the freedom of going to secondary school.
More decision making, a bigger packed lunch, which was not always eaten and some pocket money for a drink, which often went on a DC comic or saved to buy a model to make. Additional pocket money was given from time to time, so a plate of fries and baked beans became a treat. It was only when I started earning through a paper round that a full meal would be purchased from the school canteen. My packed lunch often became breakfast on the bus ride to school and any leftovers were a snack on the way home.
As I would stop and start when exercising, enjoying physical ed., stopped. So pretty much the last four years of secondary school, I didn't take part in PE, unless it was school sports day or Archery. Thanks to my parents scrimping and saving I was also fortunate to go skiing twice with the school ski club.
When I reached sixth form college I weighed close to sixteen stone and soon began smoking. As a school mentor I'd often be found in the sports department and would partake in table tennis and trampolining, getting some form of aerobic exercise. A trip to America in 1993 led to a temporary obsession with basketball which lasted until I left school in 1996, but a further trip to America in 1995 led to an even worse obsession. My relationship with alcohol was on and off from the age of thirteen, but really began between the age of 15 and 16.
Upon reflection. I never use to eat pizza, even when it was on the menu for school dinner, for some reason, just could not tolerate the smell of cheesy tomatoes. Over time, a couple of slices became a few slices, then half a pizza, to a full sized pizza, then a large pizza. Then in the late 1990s I began working in hospitality and would regularly have pizzas delivered, along came the menus with multi-buy offers and extras and before long it was a staple. The restaurant must have been rubbing their hands every time my phone number lit up their screens.
Whilst working in hospitality, there were other pitfalls too, alcohol, crisps, peanuts, sugary soft drinks. I'd then come home in the evening to another dinner, which I dare not waste, so before I was twenty I was eating rubbish food, I was not able to tell the difference between hunger and thirst. I was on a slow path to self destruction. I also worked in retail and eating on the go was normal, eating when the store became quiet and not necessarily drinking regularly. I didn't really know what I was doing to myself it was as if it was just a way of life.
In 2000, I took the decision to return to education in the hope of making something of myself but if nothing else to have a brighter future. With this came additional socialising with peers, holding down two part time jobs and despite receiving an education there was not really a lot of time to work on myself, the outer me, rather than the inner me. Over the course of the previously mentioned time, there were people who would mention my weight and that I should do something about it and although I appeared to be enjoying life a but too much, I was hating myself.
Hated that I didn't have a girlfriend, hated the way I looked, hated that I struggled to find clothes that fitted me properly rather than being baggy and oversized. 2002 saw me progress onto University and in 2003 weighed 19 stone and 6lbs, just over 123 Kgs. Although this would not be my heaviest weight, it was time in my mind to do something. Just before starting my second year of University, my Mum kindly purchased a new bike as an early birthday present for me. We had also given a home to a Jack Russell a year prior. So the dog's walks got a little longer and bike rides became a regular activity, including cycling to university, especially if I had overslept from working behind the bar the night before and reading until God knows what time in the morning. I'd even go cycling with my boss from the pub where I worked and learnt a really good route which I soon adopted and adapted.
By the October of 2003 I had managed to drop my weight to 17 stone 4lbs, roughly 109-110 Kgs. A slow start but a real step in the right direction. I had even signed up to a new gym close to University. A pivotal moment came on the day I was attending my induction session at the gym. No-one until this point had noticed that I had lost any weight. Neither did they really know that I wanted to lose the weight as not to look like a 'fat blob' in my graduation pictures; as I was also the first to attend University, I was already mapping out that I would like to wear highland dress, rather than the traditional gowns.
A gentleman who was a regular in the pub where I worked overheard where I was heading and laid a wager for me to lose four stone in eight months. Giving me until June 2004 to reach 13 stone 4lbs. I didn't have the money to counter the wager and so my boss stepped in with a cautious warning, that if i was so much as one pound in weight over, he'd chop my leg off. Upon reflection, I had my motive of wanting to look good, I had the means by way of the bike, the gym now I had a pub full of punters who wanted me to succeed.
Fast forward to June 2004 and I weighed 13 stone and 2lbs. A change in diet and regular exercise worked a treat, however I was allowed to come off the diet for Christmas 2003 and New Year. Despite the odd treat here and there, I'd done it, proved that I could lose weight and look good, but sadly my body didn't feel that way. The weight I reached until more recent times was the lightest I had probably been since around the age of thirteen. 2005 saw a culmination of things take their toll on my mental health, including alcohol abuse, but despite attempts at help they continued to escalate.
Thankfully I had some great supportive friends and family members who held me up and together for as long as they could, but when I lost my maternal Grandmother in 2006 to Cancer and a career path I tried to carve myself failed, I just could not keep a grip on things and a three year battle with myself began.
Although there had been a slight increase in my weight between 2004 and graduation in the January of 2006, my weight appeared to be stable, albeit in the overweight category. The introduction of prescription drugs to help combat my anxiety and depression led to increases in appetite, cravings for food at all hours. Following an incident my medication was reviewed and subsequently changed, before this I would experience real bad bouts of insomnia as a result of the anxiety; it literally did drive me mad. Some days I would eat and eat, other days i'd just get by with a packet of crisps and a chocolate bar and guzzle down litres of fizzy drinks; what were once treats now had become staple food groups.
In 2008, things had settled down somewhat, I was no longer drifting from job to job, I actually found a job where I felt valued and I was still working behind a bar some evenings, not only to boost income, but it provided a social life, a sense of belonging to the local community and a purpose to fight for each day in the short term. 2009 saw my weight back up at just over 17 stone. So I joined a new gym on a three month trial basis, began watching what I ate again. This time under medical advisement due to the pains I had been experiencing in my bones and hips. My weight went no-where, feeling deflated and beaten I just gave up.
Struggling now to maintain my weight over the next three years, with dieting through Slimming World and Weight Watchers there would be peaks and troughs, sadly more peaks and 2012 saw my weight tip into the realms of 18+ stone I had also developed an Umbilicus Hernia. Referred to a surgical team for the hernia repair, we met and discussed at length my medical history, with the result being they sent me back to my local doctors for a letter of consent to allow me to undergo bariatric surgery and hernia repair. A one operation approach to addressing two separate issues. Sadly my local doctor did not agree that I met the threshold to have the double procedure carried out and so in 2013, shortly after losing and burying my Father, I just had the hernia repaired. In 2016 in upgrading my mother's kitchen, I felt a sharp pain and that hernia has popped back some two to three centimetres above where it was repaired.
In 2015 following a separate health scare I gave up smoking and remain smoke free to this day. In saying goodbye to the smokes, my cravings for other things increased and my appetite became more ferocious. Going to the local shop for a night-time snack and bottle of soda, ended up being a shop for multiple snacks with every intention of them lasting a few evenings after work, but being consumed on a nightly basis. As I was eating, this meant I was not drinking no where near enough the fluids I should have been.
The thirst for alcohol was on the decline as hangovers seemed to be lasting longer the older I got. Drinking really was reserved for Christmas, Birthdays and other special occasions where I was not the designated driver. In this timeframe there was also another denial to have a bariatric procedure carried out and so the battles with weight continued.
Now the exact time of year escapes me towards the back end of 2015, but I attended my local doctor for one reason or another and the issue was put down to being weight related. The hot word of the conversation was 'fat', fat this, fat that. I snapped at the doctor who was new to the local surgery; "then help...don't just sit there and judge, help, I've had enough". I had, it was true. Getting on a bus or a train and people give a look and despite there being an empty seat next to me, they'd rather stand. Enough of living out of sportswear shops where clothing up to and including 4XL had to suffice and I definitely wouldn't have slipped into any of my kilts.
Part of me just wanted normality in every aspect of my life, whether or not what had happened to me was self inflicted or had a medical explanation. Enough was enough, especially when your youngest sibling keeps telling you "you're only one sandwich away from a heart attack".
As I had already had rejections from having bariatric surgery, my doctor referred me for a different procedure. I questioned this as it sounded like too much of a quick fix and concerned that I could still put the weight back on. Reassured that this was just a referral to get me to plead my case, it felt like my fight was not yet over.
In 2016 I attended St George's Hospital in South West London and would do so for a few years to come monitoring my weight, height, bloods and food diaries, spending time with a dietician and a psychiatrist all with expert knowledge led me to being placed on a surgical pathway. In December 2019 I was invited to attend for a pre-operative assessment, so new the time was getting closer; but in January 2020 I fell ill. I went to the doctors for assistance and the final realisation of how large I had got, was when the doctor had to leave the room to find a separate set of scales to help share my load. I knew I was heavy, because the scales at home would not even record my weight and that had been the case for months. It turned out I was a little over 26 stones, 165Kgs.
Everyone will remember 2020 because of the global pandemic of COVID-19. This hindered me vulnerable and would impact me during my recovery to a degree, but for me 2020 was also about a new me, a brighter future. Due to the recent spate of illness I hadn't been in the office for almost a week, but I walked in to a warm welcome, laid out my breakfast, morning snacks and drink across my desk. My mobile phone rang, it was an invitation to attend hospital on the 3rd March 2020 to undergo surgery. Followed by the instruction to begin a liver shrinking diet. As the procedure was done through keyhole surgery, the liver is required to be floppy as not to tear and cause internal bleeding during the procedure. So that was the last morning sat at a desk that I ate anything considered to be bad and the last time physically as I left the industry I was employed in to return to retailing.
Despite getting to the hospital nice and early on the morning of the 3rd March 2020, as instructed I was not called to theatre until around 3pm in the afternoon. Despite the wait I was taken excellent care of the whole way through and woke up in recovery just before 8pm that night. I was able to speak with my Mum briefly, although I think the phone was taken off me before I started spurting out an aesthetical nonsense rant.
Settled on the ward I was allowed to begin my recovery, interupted every couple of hours in order to have blood pressure and temperature readings taken in order to ensure no post-operative infections. Then on the morning of the 4th March I was provided an explanation as to the surgery, where I was informed that the gastric sleeve part of the bariatric options had been undertaken and some medication needed to prevent acid reflux. My wounds remained open on the outside but now it was time to allow my new stomach to heal. The amazing thing was, that afternoon my little brother had come to collect me and bought me back home.
Now it was time to retrain both my brain and stomach and begin life as a somewhat changed person. Guidance may have changed since 2020 and further research into bariatric recovery, so please always follow the guidance provided by your team of specialists.
Cycle 1, Liquids only: The first ten days post surgery means a liquid diet. Breakfast would be half a Slim-fast shake, with the other half being consumed for Lunch. Half an hour after breakfast I'd enjoy 50ml of smooth pure orange juice in 50ml of water, but soon increased this to 100ml of water. Taking sips rather than gulps. Then Robinsons sugar free squash, orange, orange and pineapple, apple and blackcurrant, blackcurrant, summer fruits and Lemon are often stocked on the side in our kitchen. Here in the UK, Robinsons is the best sugar free range cordial I find, it is often on offer where I work also and so as a brand is often affordable. Some of Robinsons higher end cordials are not sugar free, so please read the labels to ensure your products are sugar free and don't be fooled by other products that simply state 'No added sugar' as these are not sugar free and could lead to cravings.
Half an hour before lunch I would stop drinking ‘ordinary’ fluid (water/squash), before having the second half of the shake from breakfast. Half an hour later I would then have cordial again. Pain levels during recovery are tolerable and I didn't really experience any pain other than around my shoulders which I was warned about, if anything I found this to be more uncomfortable than anything else. The reason for this pain is where the body is inflated using CO2 this excess gas escapes the body through natural vents up around the shoulder area. If I felt my stomach saying enough, then I would stop and take a break, but the feeling of being full was something I hadn't felt for a very, very long time probably since childhood. The best way to describe this feeling of the stomach closing is, it is like someone has their hand and gently squeezing. This doesn't last long, but do not ignore it and do not try to feed or drink past it. This could well lead to you stretching your new stomach.
Dinner would be soup, strained using a sieve over a jug to ensure no lumps or bits, before being heated on the hob/stove. Then consume until full then back to drinking half an hour later.
Cycle 2, Pureed food: Breakfast, there is nothing wrong with keeping slim-fast shakes on the breakfast menu however you are now able to introduce Protein Weetabix add a little extra milk as needed to make a mush and introduce porridge which is a good fuel to have on board. Some will recommend a smooth porridge or Ready Brek. As a money saving hack, buy your favourite porridge oats and blitz them down to a powder in a blender or processor. Use a dessert spoon and a half of this powder with 120-130ml of semi skimmed milk and heat until smooth for a portion of porridge. Remember only eat until full.
Dinner: Please do not simply buy ready meals and pass them through a blender. They are processed foods and not a good choice. Buy fresh lean mince, beef, chicken, turkey, lamb and use these as the base meats for bolognaise, cottage pie, shepherds pie, stir-fry, chilli con carne and curry. With chilli and curry only use mild powders, your body will need to re-learn how it handles heat. Vegetables: my favourite selection of veg with my main meals is broccoli, cauliflower and carrot. I usually cut larger florets into three pieces and average sized florets into two but normally have six pieces of broccoli, three pieces of cauliflower and half a carrot sliced.
Place your main and veg into a blender adding some additional gravy or passata a little at a time until your meal is the consistency of baby food. Voila, dinner is ready, if it is not hot, return to a pan on the hob rather than using a microwave. If you are only cooking for yourself, then there is no harm in freezing anything left over or switching between a couple of different meals for a few days.
Lunch: Soup can now be blended rather than separating from any bits. I also used slim-fast.
Cycle 2 proved a little tricky for me due to people panic buying during the COVID-19 pandemic, I had to rely on Bovril cubes and soups, then a few days later when I could obtain fresh ingredients I extended the pureed food stage by four days.
Cycle 3, Soft foods: Another ten days has passed and you are doing well. Even if you don't see a quick loss in weight, it is better to lose gradually but you're doing really well so stick with it! Your new stomach is still healing and getting use to solids again. Remember any upset and stick with the previous cycle until things settle before trying the next cycle.
For soft foods I'd reduce the amount of milk used on a Weetabix breakfast. I'd parcel fish and oven bake with a little oil and seasoning. Chicken would be sliced and lightly grilled or diced and boiled, using the liquid as the base for a gravy. The only adverse affect I experienced during this part of my journey was that I passed out. All of a sudden I came over weak and dizzy. I was cooking in the kitchen and so turned everything off as quick as I could before trying to make it into the living room. Sadly I collapsed in the kitchen and smacked the side of my head on a quartz worktop, but no real damage done. But this is why hydration is key and time should be managed well.
Bread: Use wholemeal/brown bread, Kingsmill is good, but Warburtons is also recommended. I cut the crust off myself, crust less bread is good for a convenience buy but you’re paying more for less, so it makes sense to cut the crust off yourself. Since having to reduce my weight further for additional surgery I only consume two slices of bread a week. Everyone of us is different and so it is about what works best for you.
During this stage I would have a dessert spoon of mash potato and no more than eight pieces of cooked pasta. Since this part of my recovery, it has been discovered that carbohydrates are not my friend and were a contributory factor to putting some weight back on. The excess has since been lost, but as a rule I keep carbs to a bear minimum.
Rice: brown long grain rice is a good sense of fibre. Now during the pureed stage this can be added to blended foods, but ensure rice is cooked and is soft to the bite.
Sadly, my body rejects rice quite violently and so it is another food I have had to park in the ‘use to eat’ column.
Cheese: I tend to use cream cheese as a rule. Laughing Cow light is my preferred choice. I do eat solid cheeses, especially at Christmas time, but during the rest of the year more so for an additional protein hit.
Cycle 4, Normal food but not normal portions: Well Done! You're here and this is the new normal. Your old habits and the old you disappeared as you drifted off to sleep under the anaesthetic all them weeks ago.
What has changed? - Well hopefully your waistline has begun to get smaller, your energy levels are elevated as your body adjusts to a new way of life. Regular exercise is now a key part of everyday whether it be a walk, a jog, a cycle or a swim. Remember my starting weight was 26 stone 165Kgs, Christmas 2020 I had already dropped to 15 stone 95kgs.
For me, my meals to this day sit on a side/sandwich plate, half of which is protein and the other half is vegetables. When eating out, I tend to head for the children's menu before asking for small plates at reduced prices. However not every outlets choice of children's meals are well balanced. Occasionally there are questions, but normally from young inexperienced staff in some outlets.
When meeting friends or attending functions I always like to know what is on the cards for the day, so I can plan my meals, take on additional fluid before leaving or take a look at menus online before heading off. If I have to take a little something with me. This is also where Slim-fast comes in handy as they're a liquid meal on the go if need be. From time to time I will buy a protein bar or protein drink, but tend to stay away from them as they can be heavy on the sugar content. Your new life is checks and balances.
There are things you will struggle with, but it is only mind over matter and fluid always drowns cravings. I do treat myself from time to time, to fruit bars or protein bars on very rare occasions a little chocolate. This is mainly seasonal, Easter, Christmas and sometimes on my Birthday. Sugar free jellies are a great help. They taste just like a sweet treat and turn to water by the time they hit your stomach so also good for hydration. I use the Hartley's sugar free sachets here in the UK. They are cheaper than the pre-made jellies so you get more bang for your bucks as they say.
Expect a little jealousy when watching other people enjoy all the things you use to, but realise that could of been the type of thing that got you to this point in the first instance and are of no use to you. There are some great sugar free products out there, but ensure you are watching labelling. Some alternative sugars used in these products have laxative properties and fat contents should be identified and not ignored.
In 2023 I did go through a stage of eating rice cakes, fruit bars, nuts and dried fruit, lentil and plant based crisps. Although I was holding my weight at a reasonable 14st 7lb, I eventually noticed my weight going up due to my belt notches being used. I was determined that my weight would not be returning to pre 2020 levels, whatever that meant or took. So I engaged with the NHS Couch to 5K program by downloading the app, because I was mortified my weight had just crept over the 15 stone mark. By October 2023 I was back to 14st 7lb with a slight fluctuation of 2-3lbs. So to me my weight was stable again.
The couch to 5k program was a massive help and is worth following. I stopped running in 2023 due to some joint pain but also I did not want to do an injury in the bad weather months and be off work. In 2024, I had not heard anything regarding a referral back to St George's Hospital and so on a rare visit to my local doctor's surgery the referral was made and I have been accepted for plastic surgery to have my excess removed as well as having at least one hernia that I know of to be repaired. However, this came with the condition that I was able to reduce and keep my BMI (Body Mass Index) to 27 or below. Thankfully I have been able to do this through further amendments to my diet and a good aerobic workout through my work in retail. Harder exercise is presently a non-starter due to the joint pain experienced. If I could I'd run 5k every other day, but presently this is a physical impossibility.
Once recovered from my next surgery, I would love to learn how to swim properly, explore my creative writing more and continue my development in learning the piano.
My weight led me to lead a somewhat sheltered life, for the best part of my young adult life. I sometimes wouldn't venture any further than the end of the road, other than for going to work. Yes there are times I wonder how things could have been so much different, but then it's not worth dwelling on the might haves anymore, I have a new life, with a few ghosts of the past, but look ahead more rather than behind.
In the past I would rather stay at home and enjoy my own company than face the World outside. My work in retail and my aspirations for the future are the driving force behind me striving to be the best version of me I can be; with eternal thanks to those who have supported me and provided me with the opportunity to do so.
